sometimes i thought hard: friends are my asset. even though i have really few friends, i really treasure them alot..

but sometimes i wonder if it's worth all my effort.. treasuring them alot, but not making even greater efforts to connect to them..

it's hard.. i want to knw more about their lives, but through chats and sometimes calls.. im better doing these through these platforms, rather than facetoface maybe..
but while on the phone, i neglect those around me, like my siblings and family.. and im a dumb girl who cant multitask?
i'd want to devote all my attention to catching up w a few ppl, rather than making superficial connections..

but throughout this whole month of meetups, came to ponder alot..

am i a worthy friend to ask for more from them? maybe ive always been taking rather than giving..
are we to remain acquaintances?
it's even weirder that sometimes im the only one who doesnt knw whats going on in their lives in the group.. i dislike the feeling..
it's even worse when they decide to tell me about it but i actually already knw about it, just not officially knowing it..
who am i seriously..

and the constant worry that thr might be awkward silences that i cant overcome.. even w friends im afraid that we would turn out awkward after not meeting for so long..
whats wrong w my stupid awkward syndrome -.-

it's even worse when i see their updates on social media, and i want to ask them about it, but dont even find myself worthy to ask them.. 헐..
how fail am i?

just.. tired maybe..

glad that i can actually type this on the go, makes it easier to rant whenever i want to :/

felicia