WHY. avoided this space as much as possible.
but seems like im back here..

just. irritated. with. everything.
what did i just land myself in?
just hope that things can take a better turn.

i need somewhere to relief stress!
just wanna go somewhere alone, do something i like.
like NOW.

i want to go jinju this weekend to catch the lantern festival.
i want to go jeonju for its bibimbap festival.
i want to go busan as well for its fireworks festival.
i want to help out for the isf.
i want to be more generous to myself and people around me.
i want to eat more delicacies.
i want to explore so many places.

but so bothered with the project groups im in.
so bothered with the midterms that ive not started studying for.
so bothered financially all cuz of the stupid exchange rate.
so bothered with others reactions during interactions. are you tired, irritated, or cant be bothered?
why are some people just so selfish? i dont mind sharing, but why cant you?
why are some people just so mean with words? im so hurt with the response, but idk how to act okay with this usual habit of yours..

facades. lies. hypocrites.
i hate all these. but why am i doing all these?

things are not going in the way i like.
but i really have no will to show this dissatisfaction to others.
cuz of the possible explanations that i have to make.
cuz of the possible drift that i may cause and hence the increased occasions of awkwardness.
sometimes its not that i dont want to share, its cuz im a coward. i dont wanna face the possible consequences that follow, whether or not its as pessimistic as i thought it to be.

it all sucks.

maybe this all comes with the SEP experience.
how i hope things take a better turn. really.

now, the usual routine to put on the smile to hide everything away.