would i be better off being alone?
away from the recent negativities?

she could have freed herself from all these, she could have just stayed to do the norm. but she's in this with me instead. and i feel even worse, knowing that i could never be as organised, nor would things move as smoothly as now, if i were in it alone. i'd never be able to express how lucky i am to have her. really. but as time goes by, and as uncertainties pile up, anyone would feel the pek-cek-ness and angst. even i do at times. i know that i would just get over it after a while~ but, i just cant help but feel that i have dragged her into this. i always want to keep in mind that she said that she felt obliged to go for it herself. but, this thought can never surface at the right time. no matter how much i feel about the whole thing myself, as this thing pops up again and again, i feel less and less prepared, and increasingly unwilling.

i know that i really really wanted this opportunity, but i know that i really really dont want it to be an unhappy or annoying event for anyone else.
no matter how much i hate this question, but..
was it really a wrong choice? for me? for her? or even for the both of us?
i really really hope that the answer to it is a negative.

i hate these irritating thoughts. they're driving me to cries. T.T
why cant i just stick firm to my own beliefs and feelings?
i just need to be less sensitive to others' comments and feelings!
but, nah.. it's always a say-only. have never accomplished that..

really have no mood to settle all these things tonight.
guess i need to be REALLY efficient the next few days.
파이팅!

felicia