am i petty? complain queen?
i thought i really wasnt.. perhaps i'm really not..
i just dislike it when i'm being threatened..
even rushed for things that i am already doing much faster than the one berating.. like seriously?
making unnecessary comments, and stupid dispositional attributions about me when you dont even know that it's you who triggers such reactions from me..
whyy? it gets really irritating after awhile..
so perhaps the sudden outbursts over such little comments are just the accumulated annoyance over the same issue again and again..

took sinhui's car to school that day, and she exclaimed that she missed staying in hall..
she mentioned a little about how she found the nagging from parents to be a little overbearing.
but i didnt connect with her over it..
in a way, i feel really blessed to have my parents letting me have my own say over my life.
letting me make my own choices, leading my own way of life.
never overcommenting about my choices.
perhaps that was why i feel so insecure, and why i always have to ask them for their opinions sometimes.
i've never really enjoyed making my own decisions and all.
i guess thats why i never really understood my friends when they exclaim the freedom they gain from staying away from family? :/
i've always maintained about the respect required among family members.
not like their nagging come from nowhere, but due to concern over us. they may get a little irritating at times, but it's just reactance from whatever actions they received from us prior to it.
we may say that they dont understand us at all, but perhaps it's because we've been keeping things from them, not communicating with them over things that they are concerned about. about us.

calling us late at night asking why arent we home yet, just because they want to be reassured that we're safe, and have the means to get home, like keys or transport.
repeatedly asking us to bathe once we get home because afraid that we'll fall sick too easily during the tough period.

guess these are the little things that i like about my small family :)

but what exactly is driving me crazy are this kind of outside-family-members (but not exactly outside) whom i really hate.
i mean, it's not that i want to point them out, but why cant they just gimme a peaceful life?
she's totally the part of reason why i'm so excited about going away on sep, about going home late, about not being at home.

you're being too irritating. your unnecessary comments, selfish and self-centred acts that always impose on others, the irritating voice that you always use to plead, or rather threaten..
do you really see yourself as the princess of the house?
it's all these little little things that accumulate.. you are the reason why i really scold the vulgarities at home, show my temper in front of everybody, and let everyone mistake it as i'm really short-tempered, hot-tempered, petty..

• every morning my ahma has to wake up purposely to make you your breakfast. you mean my maid cant make it for you? or rather, you cant make it yourself?
• you have to bathe for 1 whole hour, and you repeatedly use this to threaten everyone else in the family to bathe. it gets really irritating, especially if i had already intentionally come home late so that i can have the bathroom, and you just rush me into the bathroom with such irritated tone. seriously, it's my mum who pays the utility bills.
• so when you're at home, the tv is to you only. even when someone is watching the show, you make unnecessary comments like "ahma you not watching this horh?" "this is the second time it's showing, and you've caught it before already what" "i really hate this show, so slow and long" "this kind of shows also can watch?" and even coming up with the powerful one: "i paid for the cable tv horh"
  WALAO?! seriously, who the hell can watch the show in peace then? so when i cant stand it and just let you watch, you complain also? "wah, so bu shuang? suan ler larh" "wah your temper horh"
  or even acting all nice "aiya nevermind larh you continue watching larh" but continue to make comments and disturbing me watching the show..
  so when you're watching your show, you complain about others talking and disturbing you.. WHAT?! how can even such comment come from you..
• i bought ovaltine macchiato back home to share and you make so many comments like "why so weird one?" "why not use straw?" "huh lidat share nice meh?" "i dont like to drink it this way" which all points to one thing that we all interpret as you dont want to drink it. afterwards you come and complain to us saying that we never ask you if you want to drink it or not. WHAT?!
• asking me how to play candy crush, and i respond to you telling you about the basic rules, and asking you to start the game cuz there's tutorial. then you say that my response very DAO.. what?! then when i tell you again about the rules, and again telling you to start the game, you tell me that "no larh actually i'm not very interested about it, i just want to know mah, see you keep playing" WHAT?!??!
  i'm someone who hates to do things without a purpose. and you just ?!?!?!
• jio us to go out, offered to pay for the bill after rejecting us to split it, and afterwards you complain that we always eat on you when we go out tgt. ?!?!?! then claiming that i'm very rich. huh? dont you earn so much more than me seriously? not like i never offer to foot the bill of split the bill seriously. i hate being a parasite especially. and being viewed as one.

the list can practically go on and on. shocked that i can write in such emotions at such late night, when i'm supposed to be usually tired and soundly sleeping.
these are just some that i wrote out based on availability heuristics really.
i've never found so much faults in a person.
nobody owes you a living.
i feel so sad that you dont know why i'm always in such a bad mood interacting with you.
i just cant bring myself to tell you all these. i hate it. just because you're of a higher legitimate status than me, and hence the expected respect.

so all these bad moods and anger with you, i always find a "scapegoat" to blame on, which is my monthly "friend". poor you. sorry.
but i cant have such irregular visits from this "friend". so when you discover it, and i exclaim that "so it means my bad moods are not from the friend's occurrence", you commented "your bad temper arh, please larh"
WTH?!

it's so funny, how i'm typing all these while you hog onto the ipad next to me.
i feel like such a hypocrite. cuz of you, i hate myself. everything about myself.
even the inability to get rid of vulgarities from my life, and the discovery that all was used when referring to you.
why did i make life so tough for myself.
cant wait for my sep. i think we nd a break from each other. distance. go away!

i'm going to sleep it away.
hope that tomorrow would be a better day.
hope that you faster return to workplace and stop your long break at home.
it makes me not want to go home even more.
and so, i'm out to study tmr. bye.

felicia