새해 복 많이 받으세요!
happy chinese new year :)

have been pretty down the past week, always thinking how the different phenomenon studied in group dynamics and i/o psych actually applied so appropriately to me by myself lol it's so funny i thought, so in the end studying psychology makes you understand yourself and social placing better haha
maybe i'd treat myself well next time, so no worries about the negative posts.. it'll be gone till i knw myself better :D

have been thinking about how mean i had been. mean or gullible or just simply stupid, idk.. but if i really take her as a friend, i feel that i'm obliged to communicate w her about her attitudes and behaviours actually. it's getting a little ridiculous, and i feel kinda sad. because if i am the one doing all these mean things, knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally, i'd really hope my friends to tell me off, wake me up and remind me never to do so again. i feel that i should help her instead of sharing around these mean things.. but, as according to the reciprocity norm (HAHA) i feel that, if i take her as a friend, does she? will she?
i really dont knw, because her behaviours towards me is really..... is it just me being sensitive and thinking too much into everything she does? or isit just a biased processing of everything she does..
everybody keeps saying that i'm just a friend for benefits to her, but i just gladly suck it up.
sometimes, i do so because, i really HOPED i thought too much into her words. really hoped that she was how she was before i knw ALL about the horrid things abt her and what she did :(
it's just my one-sided thing perhaps..
SIGH whatever. why should she ruin my day alw. and alw popping up in my mind. friends.

hmm.. i was asked of "how many close friends do you have" hmm.
i really dont knw? because all my friends i treat them all as closely.
but to be really really true to myself, i dont really share alot abt myself.
lower social status? haha. perhaps.
but also perhaps it's cuz i like to listen more than talk, partly cuz i eat slow so i cant really talk too haha.
i was told to be very mysterious, and alw not sharing even small details abt myself.
sometimes i thought, i just didnt want to burden others of my problems, my troubles. so many times i'd want to give people around me a very confirmed answer. i didnt really thought it to be a problem by my friends, but, apparently it was. it really hit me when i heard that cs actually cried when she knew that i was repeating my year after a levels. perhaps i rmbd wrongly, and actually she was just really sad. but that thought of it actually made me even more sad. because the fact that i only told my friends of confirmed news is to make them feel like sad and troubled over it haha!
but i failed that time. to alot of friends.
perhaps they felt that, i'm distancing myself from them. it was then that i felt that friendship is alw a 2way traffic.

i felt really touched every year when my friends actually celebrate my bday w me :) perhaps i feel abit sad when they're not, but im alw surprised that they alw take the effort to despite how busy they are! loves :)
i wont say that i have no close friends though i realise i dont really share everything w them.
but all of my friends are really impt to me :) date me often okay!!

lol, but who reads here.

anw, recently i've been going to my brother's stall at clementi :) even on a saturday.. i felt that it's pretty interesting..
dreams. some people aspire to accomplish great goals. some prefer to lead a simpler life. nevertheless, no one goes without dreams. some may be attainable, some may be out of reach, and hence that's why we work so hard towards it.
i find that perhaps it was this that motivated me to help them out whenever i can.
everything starts off as a plain sheet, and it all depends on the different colours you play onto it.
i guess what actually was the drive towards me helping out so enthusiastically, is the fact that the whole beginning of the stall was their dream. what they really wanted to do all along. something that i really admired, because, they can not only fulfil it, but even have food that i really like :) another reason for me to patronise haha. it's really interesting, and an experience of a lifetime, to actually find friends whom you're so close to, sharing all the ups and downs tgt w, actually starting a business together too!
how fun it is :)

i enjoy helping others to get to sth that they want. perhaps through this process, i hope to find out what i really want. i dont deny that i still feel really lost about what i want, but i believe that with more research, that i am set upon going (career talks or whatever), i may find out what i really want to delve into..
it's time to stop being envious about others knowing what they really want in life, knowing their dreams. because it's time to create my own unique set :)

OHWELL all these negativities go away w the arrival of the festive season! hurrayy! all to the back of my mind! guess i'll just be dead by the time cny's over, overwhelming tests on wk 6 to study for! whoops haha

cny holidays yippee :) i'm an introvert, maybe thats why groups dont find me lol, but nevertheless, i enjoy the gatherings that i'll start w tmr! excited, though i think i'll most likely to be at home and everyth, and probably being all awkward in front of the relatives for having not much common topics..? but i like it when i see others being glad and talking and sharing abt their lives :) i just like seeing people, listening to them, just hoping that they treat me as a little more transparent and ignore about leaving me out of the convo haha

nowww it's 2am singapore time haha on the 10th of feb. hope that joanne would receive our love in time :)

it's interesting how when i look at the pageviews, i see people reading my blog, frm all over the world?
like question mark haha ofcuz singapore too. perhaps chrome is doing a sucky job at the instructions of "DONT track my own pageviews" lol. but nonetheless, sometimes, i feel that, thanks.
for not revealing that you've read my posts. because, i really wont want to post again for being embarrassed. haha perhaps this is another reason why i dont share much abt myself. and hence an introvert. :/

woohoo~ gonna do something more constructive, like helping my mum out teehee and kup sth to eat hee
新年快乐！祝大家身体健康，学业进步，青春美丽！:))

felicia